GROWING ON THE EDGE OF THORNS
\r\nThe\r\nfollowing thoughts don’t really have much to do with music but then again maybe\r\nthey have everything to do with music. You see, I feel music is always\r\nexpressing our innermost feelings which we can’t express with words or phrases.\r\nAll these thoughts have been building up inside me for years and I guess it’s\r\ntime for me to share them. \r\n
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\r\nI am\r\nthinking about the thorns we all grow in time and after the experiences we have\r\nin life. I feel we start off innocent and fragile like a rose of early spring. Fragile\r\nand beautiful unaware of the cruelty that envies our beauty and how many will\r\ntry to suck the life, pureness and beauty out of us. The pure feelings and the\r\ninnocence of trusting people and their words, unaware their actions will burry\r\na part of our emotion. I remember when I was like that. I remember being sure\r\nthat what he told me was truth and that he wouldn’t hurt me. He was feeling\r\nexactly like I do and he was overwhelmed with the emotions we shared. I wish I\r\ncould have known better and have spared the pain it got me through. \r\n
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\r\nIt was\r\nafter that first fatal betrayal that I first wondered how I should act on it. The\r\nbetrayal of our criteria by which we choose who we let in our heart and life\r\nand who we leave out. Should I change my nature become more cynical and keep\r\noutside of my heart people trying to get close so I can protect myself from\r\ngetting hurt again. Or should I keep my faith in people and not change my\r\ninnocent nature. In fact there is no question at all. You see even if I decide\r\nto keep my trust in people the memory of the hurt and the dust on my clothes\r\nfrom having been dropped to the ground will always be there. You can’t delete it\r\nfrom your heart and whether you want to or not your first thorn has grown and\r\nthe next person you meet will have to try harder in order for you to trust him.\r\n\r\n
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\r\nBit by bit,\r\nfall by fall, the years pass and there comes a moment in life you feel you’re\r\nexperienced enough in order to be suspicious and difficult to get close to. You\r\nput yourself and your heart in a castle and you don’t let them in before you\r\nmake them prove the purity of their soul and intention. And you feel you’re\r\nsafe behind the thorns you have grown to the outside cruelty. And then there\r\ncomes a certain somebody saying all the right things and surpassing all the\r\nobstacles and appearing to be good enough for you to open up and trust and you\r\nlay down your guards. But after you’ve been used and abused the pain returns\r\ncause you may have grown thorns to keep the pain away but the outside world has\r\nevolved too and since you’re always a little romantic keeping faith that they\r\ncan’t all be bad, you’re fooled, and you’re hurt and one more thorn grows and\r\nyour tears are the ones to make it grow. \r\n
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\r\nAnd then\r\nyou’re sad. Sad of the innocence you sacrifice with each thorn that grows. And\r\nsad for the scratches you’ll get the next one through in order to get close to\r\nyou. And what if the next one doesn’t want to abuse you and you hurt him with\r\nyour thorns? Why should we all have our thorns against each other and not be\r\ntruthful about what we feel and how the interaction with each other makes us\r\nfeel. Why is it proper and mature to hide your hurt behind your ego and never\r\nlet the other know he or she crushed you? Why make it easy for them? Why should\r\nwe all play games and tricks on each other in order to keep from telling the\r\ntruth and feeling our emotions in their entirety? \r\n
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\r\nBut on the\r\nother hand, it’s not fair to treat everyone like they have to serve the\r\nsentence of every past disappointment we’ve had. You see I am romantic enough\r\nto believe not all of us are out there to use abuse and then leave one another\r\nin pain. I believe that there are some of us who may have grown thorns and may\r\nseem like they can’t be hurt but believe me deep inside them they are the ones\r\nwho hurt the most because apart from their struggle to avoid getting hurt they\r\nare also struggling even harder to not let anyone see how much they hurt. \r\n
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\r\nIs this\r\ngrowing up and learning the ways of the world? Does growing up mean becoming\r\ncynical and loosing touch with our emotions and hiding what we feel so that we\r\nwon’t get hurt? Is it so naïve to admit what we feel and take the leap of faith\r\nto trusting someone? \r\n
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\r\nIt’s all\r\nabout Thorns; it’s about crawling on Thorns, The Edge Of Thorns and choosing to\r\nset your thorns down even though it might break you to pieces. Remember that\r\nwhen you get back up you’ll be stronger and at least you will not have betrayed\r\nyour emotions. You might be alone and loneliness is cold dark place but at\r\nleast you‘ll be true to yourself.\r\n
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